Sunshine's Path
by BellaEdwardlover1991
Summary: You love screwing me, I just love you. Drabble.
1. Chapter 1

**For the ones who have already read this; nothing has changed except for the summary. For the ones who haven't read this yet: This is the first drabble I ever wrote, after my two year break from fanfiction. It got me back to writing and as you know by now I've posted several drabbles afterwards.**

**I will post 5 drabbles a day until complete. 90 total. Enjoy!**

* * *

**1. BPOV**

Your hand is resting on my stomach, to keep me from moving as you thrust into me from behind. Pants fill the small space, but we really can't be quieter. God, it feels so good, your long hard cock sliding in and out of me. Your other hand moves to my nipple, and I bite my lip to keep from groaning out. My knuckles are white from holding on so tight, but I know that if I move you'll stop doing what you're doing and I don't want that.

God, this is good.

"I know, baby, I know."

Oh shit. I said that out loud.


	2. Chapter 2

**2. BPOV**

"Come for me," and right as you commanded my pussy clenches down on your cock. I let out a tiny squeal, and with a grunt I feel you coming in me. You let your body fall over mine, your panting in my ear the only sign of our… exercise.

A knock on the door makes me gasp.

"Are you okay, honey?" A voice says. I hold my breath, hoping that the person behind the locked door will just move on. Of course, that's not how life works.

"Bella, answer please, or I'll unlock the door and come in!"


	3. Chapter 3

**3. BPOV**

Your shaking chest means that you're laughing silently, but nothing about this is funny to me. We're standing half naked in a bathroom while our parents downstairs are having a lovely dinner, thinking we hate each other.

Which we do. Sort of.

"I'm okay, Mom," I answer breathlessly, glaring at you when you put your mouth over my nipple and suck on it. It feels good, but the last thing we need right now is my parents finding out that their good little girl is not so good as it seems to the outside world.

Of course, you knew this all along. You know me better than anyone.


	4. Chapter 4

**4. BPOV**

"Come downstairs sweetheart, and have you seen Edward?" My mom still hasn't left. I roll my eyes, because God, she is so blind sometimes. It's like she refuses to see what's right in front of her. Anyone could've guessed that if two kids in their late teens disappear they are together doing God knows what. But no, not Renee Swan, especially not when it's about her little girl.

And who am I to shatter that dream of a perfect daughter?

"I don't know Mom, maybe he went out for a smoke or something." I answer her while staring at your chest. You really should go without a shirt more often.


	5. Chapter 5

**5. BPOV**

As we clean up, you give me one last lingering kiss. I love your kisses. I love your cock. I love everything about you. And I hate you.

Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Well fuck that, feelings don't make sense. And angry sex is just too good to pass on. Any chance of pissing you off so you'll fuck me is one I'll take and abuse. Oh, I love it when you fuck me.

Just like that, it feels like I'm ready for another round. But I know we need to go downstairs, go back to playing perfect kids to perfect parents. We're not, and we don't care. Our parents do, and damn it, you listen to your parents while living in their home.

We both can't wait to get out of here.


	6. Chapter 6

**6. BPOV **

You go downstairs first, sneaking around and making it look as if you were outside for a smoke. You're the only one who can use that excuse, seeing as you turned eighteen a couple of days ago and I still have to wait two more months. Your parents highly disagree with your smoking, but they tolerate it because you're such a good boy.

Good boy. Heh. I know better.

Finally, I go downstairs. Luckily, no one comments on the duration of my bathroom visit. Not even your nosy little sister seems to have noticed. We must have been stealthier than I thought.

We sing some birthday songs for you, you just endure it with a smile on your face. I know you hate the attention, but you accept it because it's our parents doing this for you.


	7. Chapter 7

**7. BPOV**

Things haven't always been this way. We've known each other all our lives. We grew up together, practically brother and sister, until we hit puberty of course. When my tits started growing and you started to notice me, we began to see each other differently. We were not just Edward and Bella any more; we became a boy and a girl.

At first, that caused awkwardness between us. Boys were not meant to hang out with. Boys were meant to kiss and have sex with. But after a while, we discovered that a combination of both works best.

If only you weren't such an asshole. I would totally fall in love with you.


	8. Chapter 8

**8 EPOV**

God, I'm so in love with you, but I know you're not ready to hear any of that. You love to hate me, and since I love you I let you hate me, I give you enough reason to hate me.

Unlike what you think I am not fucking anyone but you at the moment. I let you think it because it'll make you frustrated and angry, and an angry Bella is a horny Bella. And you being horny means I can have you.

I'm happy to have you any way I can. I know you won't ever accept to be my girlfriend, which means I have to hold on to all the other ways I _can_ have you.

Emmett calls me a pussy for not owning up to my feelings. But I know you better than anyone. And I have a plan.


	9. Chapter 9

**9. EPOV**

In honor of my birthday our parents take out photo albums, in particular the ones that have 'Sunshine's Path' on them. It's the name of the camp site we've been to every year for the past eighteen years. This should be embarrassing, but I'm used to it by now. They do this every year, and all it does is make me roll my eyes.

I have a lot of good memories from our vacations there. All of them include you one way or another, but the best ones are from the last four years, when you started hitting puberty.

As our parents laugh about pictures and the memories attached, our eyes meet. Sometimes I wonder if you feel the way I do. I haven't tried to find out yet, but as soon as your birthday gets here you will be surprised.

I will make you love me.


	10. Chapter 10

**10. BPOV**

Finally, your parents get up and leave. I know I will see you soon anyway; your bedroom window is facing mine. As I walk into my room, I see your parents enter your house at the same time the light in your bedroom window gets turned on. Barely two seconds later you are at your window, waving at me. I wave back, and turn around.

I walk over to my cd player, looking over my shoulder to see if I still have your attention. I see your eyes glued to my ass, and I smirk. I know you love my ass. And my tits. And my pussy. You love to fuck them all. And I do too.

I remove my ponytail, letting my hair fall down my back. I know you prefer my hair this way.

With a smile on my face, I turn on the music.


	11. Chapter 11

**11. BPOV**

I walk over to the window, smiling seductively at you. Your eyes are wide, and I know you can hear the music on the background, even though it's not that loud. My hands go to the buttons of my top, your eyes following my every move.

As the top comes off, I dance around a bit more in my bra and short skirt. I know you love short skirts, they make my legs look good, and they're also good for easy access.

I take off my skirt, shaking my hips to the rhythm of the music. I see you palm your cock through your jeans.

That's it baby. Stroke yourself for me. I love it when I get to you like this.


	12. Chapter 12

**12. EPOV**

God, you are so sexy, dancing around in that black lace bra. I saw it before, of course, but you dancing around like that just gets to me and you know it. You're using it against me.

Like I fucking mind.

Seeing your fantastic tits just reminds me of our earlier escapades in your bathroom, and I get hard as a rock. As I palm my cock through my jeans I see your eyes go to my hand, following its movement.

I know you love it when I let you watch me stroke my cock. And I love it when you're watching. It's a win-win situation for me.


	13. Chapter 13

**13 BPOV**

I take off my bra, my eyes still focused on your hand stroking your cock. I want it to be my hand, or maybe my mouth, sucking you off into oblivion.

Your eyes are glued to my chest, focused on my fingers pinching my nipples. I throw my head back, knowing you love it when I do that. I'm making myself feel good but it's your hands I imagine on my skin baby.

I look back at you, and see you've taken out your cock, stroking it at a slow pace. I know you love to tease yourself, make yourself last longer. I love that too.

Our eyes meet, and I can see the lust in them. I know you want me, I want you too and I really see no reason to wait any longer.

I grab my cell phone and send a text. Looking back at you, I see you read my text and I smile.

See you very soon.


	14. Chapter 14

**14. EPOV**

_Come over baby, I need you._

Fuck, who can say no to that? Without a second's hesitation, I pull up my pants – carefully, don't want anything getting stuck in between, that shit hurts – and hurry up downstairs, and into the tree next to your balcony. You open up your door, letting me in. The door is barely closed or I have you up against it, kissing you senseless.

You're a good kisser, and we both love kissing each other for hours, but today that is not what you want from me. I always want to kiss you, but I'm happy to adjust to your needs.

For now.

As you pull me over to your bed, I remove my pants quickly. In the mean time you've removed your black lace thong, and it's so easy to slide my cock back home.

Warm. Wet. Ungh. Feels so good.


	15. Chapter 15

**15. BPOV**

I'm lying on my back, one ankle resting on your shoulder as you keep thrusting into me. The pace is not fast enough for me, but it still feels good and I can't keep quiet. I feel lucky that my parents' bedroom is nowhere near mine, so I'm pretty sure they won't hear me as long as I don't scream.

I'm not a screamer anyway, but I'm not afraid of letting you know what you're doing feels good.

"Yes… just like that… Harder baby, ungh, yes, oh, yes perfect, yes… Faster, please, oh yes!" You follow my commands perfectly, and soon I'm seeing stars and it feels like heaven and you keep going, prolonging my pleasure. I barely get the chance to come down before your fingers touch my clit, making me come again. This time I bite into my arm to keep quiet because God, it feels so good, and you don't stop.

This is perfection.


	16. Chapter 16

**16. EPOV**

I love making you come, and you're so easy. Your body is so sensitive, and I know exactly what to do to make you come again and again. Tonight, that is what you need from me, so I try my hardest to hold on. Finally, after you are exhausted from coming three times, I let go and come inside of you. I collapse on top of you, but I'm not afraid to crush you. This is the only time you let me be close to you, when we're both spent and coming down from heaven.

This feels like heaven, this closeness. I know you like the weight of my body on top of yours, and I just love feeling you against me.


	17. Chapter 17

**17. EPOV**

We're at school, and I've seen the look in your eyes. I know you want me, and you want me as soon as possible.

We have two weeks till your birthday; two weeks till I can start my plans to win you over. I hope they're working. I wanted to talk them through with Emmett, but that might get awkward since he is so protective of you. He knows how I feel about you, but no one knows about us being fuck buddies.

I stand up from our lunch table, knowing you will follow me in a couple of minutes. This is routine. This is what we know.

And it will change very soon.


	18. Chapter 18

_ "We're going to visit Renee and Charlie, sweetie." Two year-old Edward smiles and says. "Bewwa, bewwa!"_

_"Yes, Bella will be there too, and Emmett will be there too. You can play with them, do you like that?" His mom asks, to which Edward can only nod and grin._

_A couple of minutes later Bella and Edward are playing with toys together, while Emmett is playing on his own. Their parents are looking at them, smiling at their children._

_"Only two more weeks for you, right Esme?" Renee asks, and soon they launch into talk about what it's like to have two children. They don't pay attention to their children anymore, until Bella squeals. All adults look up, alarmed, only to see Edward looking confused while Bella is giggling._

_"What happened?" They ask. Neither one of the little ones answer, but Emmett, who was the only one who saw it all, is shaking his head at them._

_"Edward kissed Bella on her cheek."_

_"Awww, they are so cute together," the adults tell each other._


	19. Chapter 19

_They're at Sunshine's Path again this summer, but this year everything is different. First, Emmett stayed at grandpa's and grandma's house, because of baseball camp. Secondly, and more importantly, Bella doesn't play as much with Edward anymore._

_Bella finds a friend, someone different than Edward, and he doesn't like it one bit. He throws tantrums and his parents can't figure out why. And although he is smart for a five year old and can explain himself really well, the adults don't find out what's wrong until they're 3 weeks into their vacation. It's Charlie Swan who finally gets through the little boy's head._

_"Edward, please tell me what's wrong?"_

_"Bella doesn't wanna play with me anymore," Edward said softly, obviously holding back tears._

_"Who is she playing with then?"_

_"Jacob Black." Tears started to appear on his cheeks._

_"Have you asked if you can join them?" Charlie smiled. Edward looked up at him with wide eyes and shook his head._

_That was the magical solution for a couple of days. Then Jacob and his family left, and it was just Bella and Edward all over again._


	20. Chapter 20

**20. BPOV**

Today, it's my birthday. I'm finally eighteen, finally an adult. I've waited for this day for so long.

I walk downstairs, kiss my parents good morning and get myself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal while my parents sing for me. I can't help but roll my eyes, both of them have awful singing voices, but I appreciate the gesture. They mean well.

When it's time to leave for school, I grab my bag and walk out to my car. What I don't expect is to see you there, leaning up against my car with a sexy little smirk on your face that makes me want to ride you until we both come.

"What are you doing here?" I ask instead.


	21. Chapter 21

**21. EPOV**

_"What are you doing here?"_

"I'm here to give the birthday girl a ride today," I grin.

Her parents asked me to do this, since they are buying her a new car. The old truck she got from Billy broke down a couple of weeks ago, and the costs of the repair are just as much as a new car so this was the better option. Of course, this brought up loads of new ideas for me. We've never been together in a car before.

_Oh, the possibilities._

Obviously, you are thinking the same thing. "What kind of ride?" You wink. I smile and shrug.

_Time for my plans to begin._


	22. Chapter 22

_This is my first time, and yours. We know this from each other, and we both don't have any doubt about this. _

_As we connect for the first time, we both feel the awkwardness of this. First times are rarely magical, and neither is this. But neither of us expected this to be perfect._

_It's not bad though, for either of us. Hardly any pain involved, and because of the right preparations it's pleasurable for us both. And we both agreed that practice makes perfect._

_We've been practicing a lot ever since, and now we can't seem to stop. Neither of us seems to want to._


	23. Chapter 23

**23. EPOV**

"Well, a ride in my car, obviously," I tell you in complete seriousness, and I watch your face fall.

Gone are the pervy comments, gone is the asshole that likes to piss you off because of sex.

If you can't accept me the way I really am – not an asshole all the time – then you and I are not meant for each other. But I know you, and I've been watching you. Sometimes I see some kind of wistfulness in your eyes, like you wish I'd be nicer to you. So, I will be nicer to you. And if you don't fall for me, then we're over, then we both deserve better.

I realize very well this can break both our hearts. But this is important to me, I have to do this. I know it will confuse you at first, but I hope you'll love me like I love you in the end.

This is either my best or worst plan ever.


	24. Chapter 24

**24. BPOV**

I totally gave you an opening there, and you didn't take it. I'm confused for a moment, and frown. Just for a second, I am lost in my thoughts, and when my eyes focus themselves again I see you waiting at your car, the door on the passenger side opened, waiting for me to step in.

I walk to your car in a daze, really not knowing what is going on here. I want to ask, but I don't dare to break this spell of you being nice to me.

I like you being nice to me. But hell, I still want my ride! _And not a car ride_.


	25. Chapter 25

**25. BPOV**

I get my wish on our way home. I'm very confused after today – you've been nothing but a gentleman – but when I ask you if we can go somewhere we have privacy, you don't hesitate and drive to some kind of meadow twenty minutes from home.

There, I ride you hard, but for some reason it's different. I've been on top before, and your cock still feels the same inside of me. But it feels different this time. Normally you're pinching and biting my nipples hard, gripping my hips tightly. This time it's only soft sucking on my nipples – which still feels fucking good – and your hands are only stroking my hips softly.

I can't help but wonder what changed. I'm not sure if I like it. Change is not always good.


	26. Chapter 26

**26. EPOV**

Our first time in a car is different from all the times we had sex before, and I can see in your eyes that you noticed. I also see fear, and I don't know yet what I can do to calm those. I can't tell you I love you, it will only make you scream and run away, and I can't tell you I practically worship the ground you walk on. It's just too different from how everything has been so far.

I have to do this slowly, pretend that I'm not head over heels in love with you. I've been doing it for quite some time so it should work out perfectly fine.

What if I slip?

Well fuck. I better not slip.


	27. Chapter 27

**27. EPOV**

When we arrive at your house, I see your truck has been replaced by a Lexus Hybrid. I know how you feel about the environment, and I can't help but smile at your parents' thoughtfulness. The smile on your face that appears as soon as you figured it out makes me so happy inside; I have no idea how to express it. It makes me grin, and as soon as you are at your parents' place they come out and give you a hug.

I see you hug them tightly, and I can only wish you'll like my birthday present just as much.


	28. Chapter 28

**28. BPOV**

It isn't until the end of the day that I realize I didn't get a present from you. No matter how rude you are sometimes, you've always given me a birthday present. And not just a, 'hey, here's a card with some money in it, enjoy' kind of present. They've always been thoughtful things, things I either told you about – during the rare times we talked – or something you knew without asking.

Like last year, you got me three cookbooks, without me ever telling you I love to bake. The year before that it was a little bracelet that I haven't taken off since. The year before that one it were to Jane Austen books I didn't have yet, because I love reading the classics.

So what went wrong this year? What is going on? As I enter my room to go to bed, there you are.

Is this my present?


	29. Chapter 29

**29. BPOV**

I get disappointed. You're not here to fuck me, you're only here to tell me that I won't get my present until Friday, after school. When I try to ask more, you tell me it's all a surprise. I tell you I don't like surprises, to which you reply that you know, but that I'll like this one.

That cocky attitude gets to me, and I want to punch you and fuck you at the same time. But you leave my room with a kiss on my cheek – a soft, tender kiss that lingers on your skin kind of kiss – and I'm left behind feeling even more confused than I have all day.

I go to bed unsatisfied, thoughts going round and round in my head. Needless to say I don't sleep that night.


	30. Chapter 30

**30. EPOV**

It's Friday, the day of the start of your birthday present. Your mom knows about it, and packed a bag for you. She hands it to me after you left for school, and I put it in the trunk of my car.

"Take care of my baby girl, please Edward?" I smile and nod, and give Renee a quick kiss on her cheek which makes her blush.

Normal parents, especially normal dads, don't let their girls go out for a weekend with a boy her age. But Renee and Charlie know me, and they know Emmett threatened to kill me if I ever hurt his baby sister, so they think we will do nothing but crossword puzzles next to our fireplace in our house at Sunshine's Path.


	31. Chapter 31

**31. EPOV**

I am actually a bit nervous when you wait for me by my car. What if you refuse to come with me? I know you, so I don't think this is what will happen but who knows?

I take a deep breath and tell myself to calm down and man the fuck up. You're just Bella, the love of my life, the girl who loves fucking my brains out while I want the whole package. All I have to do is charm you so you'll fall for me. I know there are already some feelings there, so it's my job to show you what we can be like together, as an actual couple, and when you see that your feelings for me might intensify.

I so hope they will.


	32. Chapter 32

**32. BPOV**

I am confused when you ask me to wait at your car after school, but I listen anyway. As you come walking towards me, I see you running your hand through your hair. I've watched you do that many times, and I know it's a sign you're nervous or uncomfortable.

I know you and I are way past uncomfortable, so you must be nervous. I wonder what you could be nervous about; you're only giving me my birthday present.

Secretly I'm hoping my present is concert tickets to some kind of band I love, or maybe just a date or something.

I catch myself, and frown. I'm thinking about a date with Edward?


	33. Chapter 33

**33. BPOV**

"Okay, I'm here, I waited for you at your car… Can I get my present now?" I know I sound whiny, but I always love your gifts best.

"Get in the car," is all you say. I see a little smirk on your face, one that makes my panties dripping wet, and again I start to wonder what my present is. Are you going to take me somewhere and fuck me for hours and hours and leave me thoroughly satisfied and relaxed? Because hell yes, I'd like that.

Once we left the school parking lot I notice we go the opposite direction of home.

"Where are you taking me?" I ask.

"I'm taking you to your birthday present, of course. I told you you would get it today." Your smirk is gone, and I see something in your eyes that I can't place.


	34. Chapter 34

**34. EPOV**

Even at this moment I am not sure what to while we're at the house. I really want you, and it's been three days since we fucked, but on the other hand I want to show you we can have a good time outside of that as well. I need to show you that we can be more than just fuck buddies, if that's even what we are right now. I like to think of us as friends, but I don't know how you see us.

But the thought of fucking next to the fireplace hardens my cock, and of course you notice. Being the little minx that you are, your hand moves to my pants, rubbing my cock through it. It feels good, but not as good as skin on skin – or mouth on skin, or even better, pussy on skin – feels. I try to stay focused on driving, but from the corner of my eye I see your sex kitten smile and I know I'm in trouble.


	35. Chapter 35

**35. EPOV**

You unzip my pants and take out my cock. I shiver as the cold air hits it, but soon your warm hand is on it, stroking me. It gets harder and harder to focus on the road, but I have to get there before dark and if I pull over we will be busy for another while. When our eyes meet you wink at me, and before I know it my cock is in your mouth. Road head, that's another first for us.

Soon enough, I can't keep the car straight anymore, and I park the car behind some bushes so I don't have to worry about us dying while you're sucking me off.

What a way to go though.


	36. Chapter 36

_I never really hated you. I just acted like it so you'd give me attention again. I know how wrong that is, but when I pissed you off at least you looked at me again. I missed our friendship, the time we spent together as kids was so awesome, but when you hit puberty you started getting attention from all kinds of girls and I felt left behind. So I learned how to push your buttons, and it didn't take long for you to push back. I don't know if you hate me or not, but we're acting this way to each other now and have been for years. It's a habit now, and everyone knows habits are hard to change._

_And the angry sex really is amazing._

* * *

**I miscounted. This has 105 drabbles. Just found out. :-)**


	37. Chapter 37

_I don't remember whose idea it was to have sex with each other. Or why we never went steady; I wouldn't have minded to have you as my girlfriend._

_I do remember the day I first kissed you. We were sixteen. It was one of the days you were pissing me off, and I loved you so much and just didn't understand why you were saying such mean things to me. So to shut you up, I pushed you up against a wall and attacked your mouth with mine._

_It worked. I found I loved kissing you, and you loved kissing me too. And then one thing led to another. _


	38. Chapter 38

_We are both straight A students, I'm with the chess club and you're head of the music club. We're always on time, always have our homework done and we listen to our parents._

_Or that's what we look like to others. I know you have a bad temper, and that you like to smoke pot every now and then. And you know I stole something from a store once – always felt guilty about that, I'll never do it again, and you know that too – when I was younger. And no one should talk to me in the morning; they can expect being snapped at. We're not always nice people, especially not to each other, but nobody knows._

_We're perfect. It's what our parents expect, and what we try to live up to. Of course, what we do behind their backs is not as perfect._


	39. Chapter 39

**39 EPOV**

We're at Sunshine's path, it's Friday night and the fire is burning in the fireplace. We both have a glass of wine, and we're talking, actually talking about things that matter, instead of just fucking whenever one of us is horny.

I learn that while your favorite color used to be red, it changed to green because you love the forest. I have to bite my lip to hold back the words 'you know, my eyes are green'. It's something you know already.

I also learn that your favorite subject in school is English, your favorite book is Pride and Prejudice, and that you know where Emmett has his porn hidden. The latter makes me laugh so hard I spill some wine.

When you ask me how many girls I fucked, I tell you to ask the next question. I see suspicion in your eyes, but I know the truth will just make you run away.


	40. Chapter 40

**40 BPOV**

I had the feeling you weren't going to answer that question. Obviously, with all the girls flirting with you, you must've banged quite a few of them. And now you are embarrassed of the answer.

I'm relieved when you don't ask the question back. It would be kind of embarrassing to admit that you've been the only one for me.

That doesn't mean I didn't try to fuck someone else. Mike Newton was a really nice guy, and handsome too. Wanted me in the back of his car, but I just couldn't get turned on. I couldn't help but picture your chest, your body, your cock, and your face. So I'll just stick with fucking you, and when I fall in love with someone I'll drop you like you probably dropped all of those girls.


	41. Chapter 41

**41. EPOV**

After the awkward moment of you asking the question I didn't want to answer, you straddle me and start kissing me. We're laying on the rug in front of the fireplace and I can't help but feel like we're in a movie right now. Or maybe I'm just dreaming.

When you start moving your hips, basically dry humping me, I know this is not a dream. Pleasure shoots through me and I have to be careful to not lose control. I know you want me to by the way you're grabbing my hair, but I'm determined to show you me, the me I am when I'm not trying to piss you off just to get your attention. I know it's different, but you'll have to accept.

You're not making it easy for me, though.


	42. Chapter 42

**42. EPOV**

After a couple of minutes I'm going crazy, and I know I can't hold back anymore. I push you back up and take off your top in one smooth movement. I push my face into your tits immediately, and start kissing them, sucking and nibbling a bit which I know you love. You let out a moan, and I know you want me to go faster, that you're going just as crazy as I am, but we have to slow down a little bit. I need to maintain my control. It's not easy around you but I need to show you things can be different between us. I have to prove myself to you, prove that I am worthy of you.

I will do this by wooing you, by worshipping your body each time our bodies join, by acting like a boyfriend, taking you on dates and holding your hand and carrying your books and walking you to your next class. I will prove to you I am worthy of being your boyfriend, and it'll make you fall for me.

If it doesn't, I give up.


	43. Chapter 43

**43. BPOV**

The warmth from the fireplace makes both of us sweat, but that's not the only thing. Your tongue is licking away some drops from between my breasts as you thrust up into me while I'm straddling you. Your mouth is on my nipples, your arms around me to keep me from moving. The pleasure is maddening, better than ever before and I don't understand why. I thought fast and hard was the best way to get off, but this is so different from that.

Maybe this isn't about getting off. Maybe this is just about feeling pleasure. Whatever it is, I love it. I don't want you to stop, and for quite some time, you don't.

"Oh, yes…. Oh…" You moan.

"Fuck, yes, keep going like that, keep moving like that… Oh, so good!" I can't help but answer.

Pant, pant, pant. I have to remember to breathe, but the pleasure is so good I almost forget. Every now and then I hold my breath and I feel myself black out, but then you do something that grounds me and puts me back to earth while sending me to heaven.

"Ungh, YES! Please don't stop… Oh, please don't…" You're pleading with me, and I know my hands in your hair make you feel good. It's why I put them there.

Move. Thrust. Moan. Lick. Pull. So good.

"OH, YES!" You groan as you come, and feeling you come I follow you to heaven.


	44. Chapter 44

**44. EPOV**

We tumble into bed, both exhausted from our time next to the fireplace. I can't call it fucking, it wasn't fucking but it wasn't making love either because how can you make love when it's only one person in love? Whatever it was, it was good. It was really good. And you obviously liked it too, seeing as you came harder than ever before.

I am awake a bit longer than you are; you fall asleep almost as soon as we're in bed. Before I close my eyes, I look at you sleeping, and I can't help but feel blessed that I have you here with me. And tomorrow might just be the most important day of my life.

We'll have to see how it goes.


	45. Chapter 45

**45. BPOV**

The next morning I wake up to the smell of coffee, breakfast and the feeling of kisses on my neck. The latter makes me shiver, and I feel my nipples harden as the kisses trail down to my chest. I smile and groan, and turn to my back to stretch out my muscles.

I open my eyes and see you smiling down at me. For some reason that makes me really happy. It must be the fact that I don't see you smile a lot; you're usually sort of frowning around me. Now you look relaxed and happy, and it makes me smile.

"Good morning," you greet me. "I made you some pancakes, eggs and bacon. I'll leave you be now, I hope you enjoy it!" With a kiss on my cheek, you're gone… before I can ask you to stay.


	46. Chapter 46

**46. EPOV**

I've made you breakfast, and decided to give you space while you wake up slowly. I hope you enjoy the breakfast I made for you; I'm really trying to show you my sweet side and this is one of those things a boyfriend does for a girlfriend. I hope you see that and appreciate it and remember it.

While you eat your breakfast, I jump into the shower and get dressed for our day. I don't have a lot of things planned, nothing but spending time with you which is all I ever need anyway.

When I get back to the living room, you are there waiting for me. You are wearing a white dress, and I can see a midnight blue bikini underneath.

Perfect, it's like you read my mind.


	47. Chapter 47

**47. BPOV**

You tell me we'll go for a walk. I get nervous, knowing I am not used to walking a lot, and I really don't feel like not being able to move tomorrow. I already have sore thighs from last night – our usual time together is much shorter – and I don't want to make it worse.

You calm me down by telling me it's not very far, and that it'll be worth it. When you hold out your hand, I hesitate at first but then I grab it tightly. I'll put my trust in you, like I did so many times before while we were around here. I came here with you, not really knowing what was going to happen. No reason not to trust you now.


	48. Chapter 48

_Sunshine's Path holds a lot of memories for us. It's hard to pick my favorite, but I think it's that first summer where it was just the two of us, where Emmett or your sister didn't come with us. I loved spending time with you so much, and all we really did was swim and lay in the sun and play games. It might just have been the best summer of my life._

_Or maybe it's the one before last, when all we did was fuck. It really is a miracle our parents don't know. Or maybe they do and choose to keep their mouth shut. I prefer to believe the first one, as the subject of sex is not one I want to talk about with my parents. I happen to know they still have a very healthy sex life – ew – and although I am happy for them I don't want to discuss that with them._

_The worst was definitely last year, when you came down with a really bad cold that lasted weeks and you had to stay at your grandma's place. I had never felt so lonely in my entire life._


	49. Chapter 49

**49. EPOV**

I'm taking you to the spot I found last summer. I had to do something with my time while our parents did their regular things to spend time here. I walked around a lot, and happened to find the most beautiful scenery I've ever seen. And I know you'll love it too. On top of that it's a romantic place, and it'll be a way of taking you on a date without you knowing it is one. This whole thing is one, but I made it your birthday present so you wouldn't get scared.

You've brought comfortable shoes, which is good. I tell you to wear them, and off we go.


	50. Chapter 50

**50. BPOV**

You're right, it isn't a far walk, but it's much farther than I'm used to so after a while my feet start hurting anyway. You're being the sweetest by taking me on a piggy back ride, while I know you're not used to this much exercise either. You're almost acting like a boyfriend, but I know that isn't true. You're just my friend, I've known you all my life and you're just taking care of my like you've always done.

Finally you stop, and put me down. You're a little out of breath, and sweaty too, but I think you're hot. I wanna lick you, and I lean in to do so but before I get the chance you move away. Then I feel myself being pulled forward, and I realize you grabbed my hand and are leading me to whatever it is you want to show me.


	51. Chapter 51

**I apologize for the lack of updates yesterday. I had some things to deal with in my personal life. Back to 5 a day now though!**

* * *

_I don´t remember how I fell in love with you. It just happened. One day I figured out I really can´t go without you, I always want to be on your side no matter what. This happened pretty late actually, I think I might´ve been fourteen or fifteen, about two years before we first had sex._

_Two years of pining after you, with no feelings in return. Many people would´ve given up a long time ago. Of course, I crushed on you long before that. I think I knew I did before that one summer you played so much with Jacob Black. Hell, maybe I´ve always crushed on you. It´s all I can remember._


	52. Chapter 52

**52. BPOV**

I'm stunned.

The place you took me to is absolutely beautiful. I wonder how you found it, and if you've shown it to someone else too. I think I now understand why this place is called Sunshine's Path. The path leading up to the small simply is full of sunshine, and the water from reflects the light, making it feel like you're walking on sunshine. It's special. It feels special, and I am speechless.

You look at my reaction, and I can see that you're pleased by that smile on our face. All I can think is, wow.

I wonder how this place came to be. It's a little beach next to the lake, that's invisible to the other side of the lake. I actually am familiar with this lake; I recognize the other side of it from fishing with my dad during past summers. But I never knew this was here.

I wonder why you took me here.


	53. Chapter 53

**53. EPOV**

I see the look on your face, and I can't be happier. I thought you'd like this.

"How many people know about this spot?" You ask, to which I shrug.

"I don't know. I don't think a lot of people do, this would be crowded then I think." I hold out my hand, and I feel my heart jump in my chest when you grab it without hesitating.

I wonder if your feelings are changing already. I've seen the confusion in your eyes, and I wonder if maybe, just maybe, you loved me all along.

"So, why have you taken me here?" You ask. You're so serious. I love that about you.

Will you like my answer? Or will it make you run? Only one way to find out.

"This special place is something I wanted to share with someone special to me."


	54. Chapter 54

**54. BPOV**

Okay, that's it.

"Special? Honestly, what is going on here? It's like you're a completely different person! First you always piss me off, and now you're suddenly nice and sweet? What the hell?!" I explode, but you don't seem to be surprised.

"I know this might be confusing. I am trying to show you another side of me, someone I personally like better," you say. It sounds reasonable, but it just pisses me off more.

"So I'm your test subject, to see which tricks you can unleash on your future girlfriend? What kind of sick fuck are you?" I yell, and I get the feeling I am being unreasonable but I don't care. You pissed me off, and you better know it.


	55. Chapter 55

**55. EPOV**

This doesn't surprise me, I know you and I know that when you get confused or feel attacked, you lash out to avoid getting emotionally involved in something that might hurt you. It's a human defense thing, and I understand. But I can't very well tell you that it's you that I want as a girlfriend, I know you're not ready to hear any of that and I don't want to chase you away. So I do the one thing I know I can do best: piss you off.

"Yes, you're my test subject. But hey, you're not involved with anyone else now, are you? So why not soak up my attention while you're waiting for someone to sweep you off your feet?" The lie burns my throat, but I can't confess. I'm chickening out.

Your eyes flash, and I know you've just gone from pissed to furious. I want to laugh, but I know that'll ruin our whole weekend. You need to get rid of this, and then we can go back to having fun.

"I am not an attention whore! Is this why you brought me here?" You say in a scary voice that sends a shiver down my spine. And all I want to do is laugh.


	56. Chapter 56

**56. BPOV**

Seriously, who do you think you are? Using me as a test subject just because I have no one else around to be my boyfriend? I completely forget about the fact that it's my own personal choice not to have anyone around because I like fucking you and I don't want to complicate things. I only see one situation, and that is you seeing me as a desperate attention whore.

I see in your eyes that you want to laugh at me. You think this is funny! I get so mad I move to hit you, but you catch my wrists easily. And suddenly the atmosphere changes, and instead of wanting to hit you I want to kiss you, so I stand on my toes and push my mouth against yours.


	57. Chapter 57

**57. EPOV**

I felt the atmosphere change, and it doesn't take long for my cock to get hard. I want to rein you in, but at the same time I want you too, and us fighting has been foreplay for so long that this just seems like an automatic reaction. When you push your lips to mine, I let go of your wrists and put my arms around you, holding you as close as possible. Your hands grab the back of my shirt, pushing the rest of your body against mine.

My mind goes blank, and I'm only filled with need. So I do what any eighteen year old male would do: I take off your clothes and mine and lead you into the water, which is surprisingly warm for this time of year. You laugh and put your legs around my waist and it feels good and I can't stop.


	58. Chapter 58

**58. BPOV**

I'm surprised at the effect the water has on our fucking. Suddenly I feel weightless and our fucking is slower and it feels good, your cock rubbing all the right places, and I can just rest my arms on your shoulders and float while your thumb is circling around my clit and your hips pushing your cock in and out of me. I can't be silent, it feels really good in a way I never expect it to be, and it doesn't take long for me to come. You follow soon after, muffling your groan in my neck.

We stay floating for a while, both silent. In the end you break it.

"Can't you just accept this for a while? Just be us, and see what comes from it?"

I feel weird about it, but I do like spending time with you so I nod. The grin on your face makes my acceptance worth it.


	59. Chapter 59

**59. EPOV**

Our weekend couldn't have gone better in my mind. You accepted all I need – time to show you who I really am and who we can be together – and we can do just that. We have two more days to watch movies, walk around and get to know each other better outside of the physical part of our relationship.

And I agree with myself on the fact that we don't need to go without the physical part to do that. The physical part can be connected to the emotional part, and I am going to try and show you that.

I'm really happy about this weekend, and I think this might just be my best present yet. I try to forget about you finding out that I'm in love with you, I don't want to know how you will respond to that yet. I will take every day as it comes, and see what happens. Big chance you'll break my heart, small chance you won't. That small chance makes it worth it.


	60. Chapter 60

**60. BPOV**

We are having an amazing weekend, I don't know what to think anymore, but I decide it's not worth worrying about. When the time comes and I fall in love with someone, I will see what happens then. I just hope you're not more invested in this than I am, I don't want to hurt you. It is something that has crossed my mind a couple of times, I don't want to get emotionally involved in this, but I don't want you to be either. Only hurt can come from that.

For some reason, a voice in the back of my head says it's too late already. You already seem to be emotionally involved.


	61. Chapter 61

_I stare at you as you walk away from me, feeling a pang in my chest. I hate fighting with you, we never do it so when it does happen it hurts really bad. You're my best friend, and even though there are a couple of other girls I like, none of them is you. You're the one person I can always go to when I'm upset about something, the one person in this world I can trust. And now you're walking away from me, leaving me behind._

_My knees give out, and I start crying. If you would see me now, you would probably tell me to grow up and stop crying, but I haven't reached that phase yet where I think crying is for pussies. I'm hurting, so I cry._

_After a little while, I feel arms around me, and I recognize the scent and breathe in deeply. You calm me down very fast, my tears drying up._

_"I'm sorry," we both say. After a day of awkwardness, we're back to normal, back to being best friends again._

_Little did I know that this would be the first fight of many, though it would be years until they would happen every day. And after a while, you just stop hurting when the most important person in your life walks away._

* * *

**Because it isn't very clear I should clear it up. This is BPOV.**


	62. Chapter 62

**62. EPOV**

We spend the rest of our day just relaxing. We're both cold after our swim – it isn't as warm as I thought it would be – so we warm each other up during a hot shower. It cools down quickly at night so instead of barbequing, like we always do during our summers here, we just cook inside the house. There, I bend you over the kitchen table and take you from behind, which I know you love. I don't, I like to watch your face and stare into your eyes, but it does feel good so for now I will go with it.

After dinner, we pop in a movie and just lay on the couch in a spooning position. We're watching Cruel Intentions, which I know is a movie you love, but it is not a good choice for me at the moment. At the more sexual scenes, I feel you squirm and it makes your ass touch my cock. It stirs, and before I know it you're straddling me and riding me and it feels good. I suck on your tits and you come hard when I rub your clit.

Yeah, it's a good weekend.


	63. Chapter 63

**63. EPOV**

The next morning I wake up to the smell of breakfast. I frown at the empty bed, but breakfast smells good, and I promised your dad you would be back before dinner. Since it's eleven when I wake up, I realize that we better eat, clean and pack up and get going. I don't want your dad to get mad at me for such thing, I'd like the opportunity to do this again.

I give you a kiss on your cheek while you flip the pancakes you're baking, and I notice the slight curling of the corners of your mouth.

A kiss on your cheek makes you smile? Maybe I made more progress this weekend than I thought I did.


	64. Chapter 64

**64. BPOV**

I am actually sad when we pull up your driveway. I found out that you and I can still be friends, outside of the fighting and the sex. We still seem to get along easily, just like we always did when we were kids. I can actually see us going back to that, but I don't know what to do with the benefits we have now. I am not afraid to admit to myself that I like those benefits a lot. I don't know if we can be friends with benefits, it hardly ever ends well. I don't want to lose it, so maybe becoming close isn't such a good idea.

I don't know what I want. I missed our friendship, but I don't want to give up our benefits.


	65. Chapter 65

_We're lying on my bed, you're in my arms and we just had great sex. I feel like I'm the luckiest bastard alive for being able to have these moments. It's wrong and it's right at once, and I want days like these for the rest of my life. I can actually see us being together for the rest of our lives, we're perfect for each other and I like this happiness I'm feeling whenever I'm around you._

_I almost tell you I love you, like I've almost done a couple of times now. So far I've held them back, but I don't know how long I can do it. I love you and I want you to know it._

_An idea comes to mind. It's going to be hard, but I am willing to try. For us._


	66. Chapter 66

**66. BPOV**

A couple of days layer we're spending time together after school. We're on your bed, making out like so many times before. Your hands are on my breasts, squeezing softly thumbs moving over my nipples every now and then. I love moments like these, when your mind really is not focused on anything but my body and we're making each other feel good.

I want to feel your skin on mine, so I take off your shirt. While my hands move over your chest, I notice the tattoo again. I saw it before, of course, but I never felt like I could ask you about it. Now we seem like we're becoming friends again and I feel like I can ask you what it says. I can't read Chinese, so it's not something obvious. Maybe it's something secret. I want to know.


	67. Chapter 67

_I am sitting in the tattoo chair, not sure what to do. Although Dad didn't mind me getting a tattoo – as long as I don't tell Mom he gave permission – he did tell me not to tattoo someone's name on my body. Girlfriends and boyfriends don't last forever and tattoos are painful to remove. Having a memory of a failed relationship for the rest of your life is painful enough as a memory, let alone on your body. Future girlfriends will not like other girls' names either._

_Now I'm not sure what to do. I know my Dad is right, but I just want a symbol of my love for you on my body. My love for you will never be wrong; it will always be a good memory. I agree with the name thing though, we don't even have a relationship at the moment so it would be weird to have 'Bella' on my body. I want something though._

_And then I know it. _


	68. Chapter 68

**68. EPOV**

I knew it would probably happen someday, you asking about my tattoo. But I am not ready to tell you that story yet, it is too closely related to my feelings. I should tell you, and it might be my way in. So for now, I evade the question.

"I will tell you one day, but not today," I tell you instead. I can see you don't like that answer, and I think that more evasion of questions will piss you off and not too long from now you'll explode and walk away,

I hope that won't happen before I've told you everything. I know I've softened you up during our weekend trip, but I'm not sure if it's enough for you to stick around should things go wrong.


	69. Chapter 69

**69. BPOV**

Again, you evade my question, and I wonder what you're hiding from me. I decide not to call you out on it this time, but I'm getting seriously annoyed. If we want to become close friends again we need to trust each other, and although I trust you I don't like this hiding. When we were younger we knew everything about each other.

I realize we simply grew apart and that changed, but we're growing together again, becoming friends again and I love that. But it doesn't seem like you trust me at all. I'm surprised by the hurt I feel because of it.


	70. Chapter 70

**70. BPOV**

It's been exactly two weeks since you took me to Sunshine's Path, and it's been strange. I almost feel like I have a boyfriend with how sweet you've been acting. You've been driving me to and from school, buying my lunch, walking me to class. I'm glad you told us we'll 'just be' because hell, I don't want you as a boyfriend. You were my best friend when we were younger, and we're getting there again and I don't want to lose all of that. That easiness we always had, the comfortableness between us is something I really missed.

I must admit I miss our fighting too. Our fucking is different now, and I miss the passion and the urgency we had after we fought. I've tried to pick a fight a couple of times these past days but you've always managed to keep your temper in check and walked away from it.


	71. Chapter 71

**71. BPOV**

When I walk out of my class, you're not there. I'm surprised, but try not to be bothered by it. I mean, why would I be? It's not like you're really my boyfriend. And before my birthday you never did any of it either. I shouldn't expect any of this. I want to slap myself because I do. God, if I didn't know any better I would've thought I cared more about you than just as a friend.

I turn around and decide to go to the library. I happen to walk past an empty classroom. I look into it automatically, and for the first two seconds I keep on walking. Then I realize what I saw, and I freeze in my steps. I take a couple of steps back, and stare at what I thought I might have imagined. I only look for a couple of seconds, but it's enough.


	72. Chapter 72

**72. EPOV**

I am getting the silent treatment, and I don't know why. As far as I know I've done nothing wrong. I'm in your room, and normally we'd be making out by now, if not more. Now we're not, and although we're laying on your bed together, we're both on our backs and you're just staring at the ceiling.

Finally, I'm getting tired of it.

"What's going on?" I ask you.

You shrug. "Nothing, apparently."

I frown. "What do you mean by that?" I turn my head to look at your face, but you have that mask on that I hate so much. I can't see how you're feeling, what you're thinking.

It's making me nervous.

"I mean, nothing has been going on, apparently. I think that was pretty clear." Your voice is icy, I hear anger but I hear hurt mostly.


	73. Chapter 73

**73. BPOV**

It's pretty obvious you're confused, and you really don't know what I'm talking about. But I know what I've seen, although I definitely won't tell you how much it hurt to see it.

I glance at you from the corner of my eye, and I see you frowning, thinking about what I'm talking about. The thing is, I was really starting to think there was something growing between us. It scares the fuck out of me, and I don't want it to ruin us even though it would be nice to have someone be there for me like that. I'd prefer it be someone else.

Luckily today proved to me that I'm an idiot. I hate the hurt I feel because it doesn't make sense, but I'm also a bit relieved. Nothing has been going on after all.


	74. Chapter 74

**74. EPOV**

"What are you talking about? Nothing is going on?" I really don't know what you mean, but something inside of me panics. Have you noticed that something has been going on with us? That I've been trying to make you fall for me? You said 'Nothing is going on, apparently' like you thought there was, so maybe you have. But now it seems like you don't think that anymore.

Did I ruin everything?

"You weren't waiting for me after class, which surprised me but okay. And then I happened to walk past an empty classroom. I think you can guess what I saw." You look at me pointedly, and I feel the blood leave my face.

_Shit_.


	75. Chapter 75

**_EPOV – earlier that day._**

_I am about to leave the classroom to hurry and pick you up from your class, when I feel hands on my chest. I'm being pushed back into it, and for a second I think it's you and you want me and you can't wait anymore. Then I realize the girl pushing me doesn't have brown hair and brown eyes. She isn't you._

_It's Tanya._

_"Eddie, I know you want me," she whispers in what she thinks is a seductive way. I roll my eyes at her, and try to keep her at a distance by putting my hands on her shoulders._

_"I don't want you, Tanya. I don't even know you!" I answer her, but she's ignoring me. She moves closer, making me take a couple of steps back until my back hits the wall._

_I'm cornered, and I don't want to hurt this girl but I might just have to. So, I lean in to whisper in her ear. Unfortunately, she thinks I'm going to kiss her and presses her lips against mine. I freeze for only a second before I push her away._

_She's crossed a line, and I'm pissed off. I whisper in her ear._

_"Don't you ever come near me again, you fucking whore. I don't want you, and you can bet your ugly ass I never will!"_

_I remove myself from her grip and storm out of the classroom. _


	76. Chapter 76

**76. BPOV**

Your eyes widen, and I know you know what I'm talking about. I see you pinch the bridge of your nose, like you always do when you're frustrated. You're mumbling to yourself, but I can't make out what you're saying.

Finally you look up and look me in the eye.

"I swear that wasn't what it looked like," you say. I can't help but laugh and roll my eyes.

"Relax. It's not like I have some kind of claim on you." Maybe a couple of years ago, when we were still best friends, I would've had a claim. Not anymore though. "We're just been fucking around, that's all. Hell, it probably wasn't the first time this happened either."


	77. Chapter 77

**77. EPOV**

You turn away from me after that, so you can't see the hurt on my face. I'm really close to cracking and telling you how blind you are and how much I love you. How much I want you to love me the way I love you. How I hate this emotional distance you seem to fall back on.

But I don't. Now is not the time. I walk over to you, look you in the eye and see you've withdrawn, the Bella I used to know as a kid is completely gone again, just when she was starting to come out a little again.

All the progress has been undone.

Fuck. My heart hurts, and it doesn't look like you're gonna relieve that any time soon, so I leave.


	78. Chapter 78

**78. EPOV**

Two weeks go by, and although we're back to hanging out together, things are worse than ever. My heart hurts a lot, knowing things might be ruined. And you've closed yourself off emotionally again, right when I thought things were getting better.

I'm pissed off at Tanya, for cornering me and at myself, for letting it happen. And I'm simply unhappy that you saw it and thought something different was going on than what really happened.

And I'm pissed off that I saw you laughing and kissing Tyler Crowley at a party a week ago. I know we're not together, but holy fuck I'm jealous that you kissed him out of your own free will, without him asking for it. It's been a while since you've done that with me. I happen to know you're not together, but it doesn't help that he's got high hopes now. I heard him say in the locker rooms that he'll have you in bed in no time.

It was very hard to hold back, but I really wanted to yell at him, "She's MINE!"

But you aren't.


	79. Chapter 79

**79. EPOV**

Finally, one Saturday afternoon in the beginning of November, it looks like you've had enough of my sulky moods. We've been watching TV at my place for two hours when you turn to me.

"What the fuck has been going on with you Edward? You've been looking like your cat died or something. If I didn't know you don't have one I would've asked to go visit its grave so you could stop being like this!"

I shrug, not feeling like answering. What would I say?

_Yeah, you know what. I've been in love with you for a long time now. And I see you kissing someone else, while you're distant with me. You haven't been relaxed with me since our trip to Sunshine's Path. I want that back. I want you to be mine._


	80. Chapter 80

**80. BPOV**

Okay, that's it. I've had enough of this.

"What the hell is your problem?!" I snap at you.

"Problem? Why do you think I'm the one with a problem?" You snap back at me.

"I have a problem?! I'm not the one who's been sulking around like crazy for the past week! And now I'm asking what's going on and you tell me I'm the one with a problem?!" I fume. Seriously, who does he think he is?

"Yes, Bella, you're the one with the problem here. Your problem here is that you're fucking BLIND and you just don't see what's right in front of you!" He yells, pulling his hair.

I'm blind?

"What the hell are you talking about?"

* * *

**Oh no he didn't. Yes he did.**


	81. Chapter 81

**81. EPOV**

I realize I should shut up, but I can't. The frustration has become too much, and it all just comes spilling out in a way that should never happen. But I can't stop.

"YES, you're fucking blind! Blind enough so you can't see that I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember, blind enough so you can't see I'm really fucking jealous of Tyler, who you laughed with and kissed and looked really fucking happy with which you haven't with me in a while. You're blind enough so you can't see you're all I care about!"

When you answer, I realize my sudden confession hasn't sunk in yet. You just heard me yelling, heard some words that are accusing you of something you think you haven't done wrong.

"I'm blind? Why is it me that gets the blame here?" You yell back.


	82. Chapter 82

**82. BPOV**

I see all the tension leave your body, and suddenly you look tired.

"Did you hear anything of what I said at all?"

Huh?

"What do you mean?" The confusion makes the anger disappear. We're talking calmly again instead of yelling, but I don't understand.

"Just like I'm saying. Did you hear anything of what I just yelled at you, or didn't you listen?"

I think about it, and shrug.

"Um, I guess I didn't listen all that well. I stopped listening once I heard you telling me I'm blind," I confess.

"Okay Bella, then listen and listen carefully here, because I'm going to lay it all out for you." You say.

I hold my breath while I wait for you to start speaking, my whole body tensed. The look on your face is more serious than I've seen in a long time.

This isn't good.


	83. Chapter 83

**83. BPOV**

"I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I don't know when it started or why, I just know that I love you, and only you. It's always been only you. " you say.

I just stare.

You've been in love with me for as long as you can remember?

_I knew something was going on._

Right. Now what? Is there a gentle way to say this? I've thought about this a lot ever since I got the feeling you were emotionally involved – which you say you have been for years – and I really hoped this wouldn't have to happen.

"I'm sorry, Edward." As soon as I say this, I see your face fall, but I continue. "I really care a lot about you, but only in a 'friends' way. Has it crossed my mind that we could be something more? It has, but it's not something I want. I don't feel that way for you. I'd like to just stay friends."


	84. Chapter 84

**84. EPOV**

I say nothing. I don't think I can say anything right now, I want to go to bed and hide and take back the words you dismissed.

Because this is it.

We're over. I'm not going to be able to stay friends with you, or have contact with you and not feel the pain of being rejected by you. I can't do that, it hurts too much, as much as I'd like to stay in your life and have you in mine… This is it.

"I'm sorry, I can't do that. I can't - " I stop before my voice cracks. I can't speak anymore.

You nod, turn around and leave my house.

The last thing I remember is getting upstairs and crawling in bed.


	85. Chapter 85

**85. EPOV**

I want to be childish and not go to school on Monday, but I realize I can't do that. So I go anyway, feeling like a zombie that just wanted to stay dead.

But life goes on. And I can't let this thing hold me back. So I suck it up and keep going.

A couple of times that day Jasper, Alice and Emmett ask me what's going on, but I just smile sadly at them and shake my head. I hear them whisper stuff, but I can't hear it and I honestly don't really care.

I see you enter the cafeteria, not looking any different than you did before while I know I look like shit. Without explanation to our friends I get up and leave.

I guess you didn't care that much after all.


	86. Chapter 86

**86. BPOV**

Two months have passed since that Saturday where you confessed your feelings for me. I miss hanging out with you, and of course I miss the sex too. I miss the friendship we had started up again.

I haven't been able to bring myself to find someone else to fuck around with. It feels kind of wrong while you are walking around looking depressed and all. I don't want you to see me with someone else and hurt all over again.

Classes I have with you are more than a little bit awkward. You ignore me completely, it's as if I don't exist and I don't like it. Although I think it's your way of dealing with everything, it still sucks to be kicked out of your life because I don't return your feelings.

I know it's selfish, but I just want you in my life. We used to be friends, then we fought, then we became friends again and now we're… nothing.

I arrive at school, and nearly want to turn around when I see you with your arms around both Lauren's and Jessica's shoulders. They're looking up at you as if you're God.

I guess you're fucking them now.


	87. Chapter 87

**87. EPOV**

I'm fucking done with being depressed. I can't stop living my live just because you don't want me. And just because I still love you, doesn't mean I can't try to get over you. Or the way Emmett would put it; stop being a pussy, man up and deal with it.

I try to flirt with Lauren and Jessica, two girls who I know have been after my cock for years, but I can't even get hard for them. Although I know Tanya would jump to the chance of having her way with me immediately, I just can't be with the bitch that made us end our friendship, and any possibilities of more.

Time passes. Life goes on, and I'm focused on school work and college applications. The past two months went really slow, but now I keep my mind off of you it flies by. One month passes, and then another one. Valentine's day passes without any events in my life. I get asked out, but I can't lead the girl on when I'm still in love with you.


	88. Chapter 88

**88. EPOV**

It's a rainy afternoon at the end of March. Someone rings the doorbell, which surprises me. I'm home alone, and I haven't had any visitors in over four months. Not since that afternoon where you rejected me and we stopped talking.

For a moment I consider leaving the person outside but I realize that that would be rude and my mom would smack my head for it. So I get up from my bed and walk downstairs. I open the door, and get the surprise of my life.

I did not expect you to be standing there. I didn't expect you to have red, puffy eyes either and immediately the instinct to hit the person who hurt you kicks in.

Then I remember that's not my job anymore. You're not mine to protect, not mine to support and not mine to love.

But when you jump into my arms, of course I catch you.

* * *

**Apologies for stopping with updating. I kinda needed a moment after I found out one of the most amazing fandom people passed away.**


	89. Chapter 89

**89. EPOV**

You're in my arms. I can't believe it, but the second your arms wrap around me mine wrap around you tight and all the feelings that I've tried to ignore rush back. I never want to let go of you again.

Then I realize you're crying. I don't know why you're crying, but I don't like it at all. I don't know what to do to make you stop so I just drag you inside, sit down on our couch and hold you until you stop crying.

After a while, the tears slow down a little bit, your sobs turning into little sniffles every now and then. It breaks my heart all over again to see you like this, and although I never wanted to talk to you again when you rejected me, I know I could never drop you when you're like this.

I still love you too much.


	90. Chapter 90

**90. EPOV**

Once you've stopped crying, I feel like I can ask what's going on. I keep stroking your hair and arm to give you comfort, but I really want to find out what happened to make you cry so much.

"What happened?"

You're not answering for a moment, but I wait patiently. Although I don't like you crying, I can't help but feel absolutely thrilled that you came to me for comfort. You came to me when you needed a hug, when you feel the need to lean onto someone. You picked me to be all of that for you. Hope blooms in my chest.

Finally you speak. The words break my heart all over again.

"Renee is dying."


	91. Chapter 91

**91. EPOV**

The words make you cry again, and I just try to hold you as close as possible. Apparently you want that too, because you crawl into my lap, one leg on each side. I put my arms around you and try to hold you as close as possible. Your boobs are really close to my face. Although I am a male, I try not to focus on that. You need comfort now, it's not the right time for my cock to harden.

I try to will it away, or at least for you not to notice. When you move your hips once against my cock I bite back my groan. But when you do it again I suddenly doubt your reason for being here.

"Bella, Bella… Stop," I tell you, trying not to sound harsh.


	92. Chapter 92

**92. EPOV**

You stop moving your hips, but I feel your lips on my neck now. Your breaths are still shaky, but suddenly you're moving around with a purpose.

For some reason it feels like you're seducing me.

"Bella, honey, stop. Please," I say again. This time you stop moving completely. Your head is resting in my neck, your arms still around me like you never want to let me go.

_ I don't want to let go of you either_, my body says. "Please, Edward… Please, I need this," you say softly in my ear, your voice cracking, "I need the comfort I get from being with you, you calm me down and make me forget everything and I need that now. Please. Make love to me, Edward. I promise we'll talk afterwards."

Your begging gets to me. And God help me, I can't tell you no after you've begged me to _make love_.

* * *

**He's only an 18 year old boy in love with the girl in his lap... Can't blame him ;-) **


	93. Chapter 93

**93. EPOV**

I look you into the eye again, just to check if you're not on drugs or anything, if you're really serious about doing this again. I can't go back to how we used to be.

"I can't do this and go back to how things were, this won't be emotionless fucking. I can't do this without some investment from you, okay?"

You sigh. "I know, which is why we really should talk… But trust me, I'm not planning on going back to our old ways. I want this. I want you. And a relationship with you. I didn't realize how much I really do care for you, how much I love you, until you weren't there anymore. I guess I've been in denial for too long." A weak smile appears on your face.

Your words have made my heart bounce in my chest and I want to know more but I decide to let it slide for now. Instead, I pick you up and carry you to my bedroom.


	94. Chapter 94

Soft caresses.

Moans.

Kisses, lots of kisses all over bodies.

Touches.

Strokes.

More kisses.

Heavy breaths filling the room.

A soft squeal and a giggle.

More kisses.

No thinking, just feeling.

Hearts beating fast, bodies heating up.

Another giggle.

More kisses.

Then entering, and touching and rubbing and pinching.

Slow thrusts. Begging and faster thrusts.

Squeezed eyes and colorful spots beneath eyelids.

More thrusts, slower again.

Climbing a mountain of pleasure, higher and higher.

Falling again.

More thrusts, faster and harder.

Moans and kisses.

Nails on a back, scratching.

Muscles clenching.

Loud groans.

Soft sighs, more kisses and warm bodies resting against each other.


	95. Chapter 95

**95 EPOV**

After a while, I speak up.

"I don't understand why you always kept me at a distance. No matter how much I tried to get inside your heart, you had a thick wall around it and I couldn't break through. It was frustrating, and then when you said you didn't feel the same way, I very nearly believed you…" I sigh, and you rest your head against my shoulder, your hand in my neck while you snuggle closer.

"Do you remember our first fight? When we were younger?" You ask me.

"Of course I do. What does that have to do with anything?" I answer, frowning.

"You walked away from me then. And although you came back, that scared me. We were never as close as we were before then. Things changed that day."


	96. Chapter 96

**96. EPOV**

I think about it, and realize you're right. Things were never the same after that.

"And then we fought again, and again. And in the end you just walked away from me, left me behind. We grew apart, and then we started fighting again and then the messing around started, and I swore I would never let you in my heart again, or anyone else for that matter. I never gave anyone the power to hurt me again."

Your explanation makes sense, and I feel bad. Thanks to me you never had anyone else. But on the other hand I'm grateful too. You never would've come back to me if you'd have other people to support you.

"Until now," I can't help but smile. I know we've changed. And this time we're going to be real.

"Until now." You smile back.


	97. Chapter 97

**97. EPOV**

"Hey, you never did tell me what your tattoo means," you ask, stroking the black ink.

I smile, thinking back.

_I am sitting in the tattoo chair, not sure what to do. Although Dad didn't mind me getting a tattoo – as long as I don't tell Mom he gave permission – he did tell me not to tattoo someone's name on my body. Girlfriends and boyfriends don't last forever and tattoos are painful to remove. Having a memory of a failed relationship for the rest of your life is painful enough as a memory, let alone on your body. Future girlfriends will not like other girls' names either._

_Now I'm not sure what to do. I know my Dad is right, but I just want a symbol of my love for you on my body. My love for you will never be wrong; it will always be a good memory. I agree with the name thing though, we don't even have a relationship at the moment so it would be weird to have 'Bella' on my body. I want something though._

_And then I know it._


	98. Chapter 98

**98 EPOV**

"It says, 'Swan' here," I tell you softly, and I see your eyes widen.

I've been afraid of this. Afraid that you would get scared or mad at me or maybe both, but from the look on your face I can tell that's not going to happen.

"Edward… How long have you had this tattoo?" You ask.

"I got it shortly after I turned sixteen. My dad came with me and advised me not to get a name tattooed on me, which I thought was wise. But I wanted something that had everything to do with you," I say nervously.

"Since you were sixteen?!" You exclaim. "So… that's how long my name has been on your body… Wow."

We're silent for a moment.

"What would you have done if we never would've gotten together like this? You still would've had the tattoo!" You ask me.

"I am proud of me being in love with you for as long as I can remember. I don't see a reason to hide it. I did it in Chinese because a future girlfriend might not like it so much. I could always say it means strength or whatever. Or be honest and say it means Swan but that I chose it because swans are graceful and once they found their mates they never separate," I tell you.


	99. Chapter 99

**99. BPOV**

I knew I came to you for a reason.

The thing is… I missed you more than I liked to admit to myself. And knowing I broke your heart really hurt me too. And I did notice that you could be my perfect boyfriend. And although I might not be in the same place you are, I know I care more about you than just a friend.

And when you're being like this, I know if I stop resisting I'll just fall really fast.

"What's going on with your mom?" You ask me.

I don't want to say it. I know I have to, you need to know but when the words form into my head I just start crying again.


	100. Chapter 100

**100. EPOV**

You start crying again, and I realize things must be really bad. You confirm that when you finally speak.

"She has cancer…" You sniffle and try not to cry, but you fail and it's making me feel bad but I just had to ask. I have to know. "The doctors say they can't do anything anymore, it's too late and it won't be long anymore until…"

You don't finish, but you don't have to. I just hold you in my arms, as tight as possible, until I feel you shiver.

Without speaking we put on clothes, straighten the bed and lay back down on it. I'm still holding you like that when someone knocks on my door. I don't answer, but the door opens and my mom disappears. From her red eyes, I can see she knows too.

You look up and see my mom in the doorway. She holds open her arms and you don't hesitate and get up and hug her tight.

I see her whispering in your ear, and you nod.

We'll get through this. Me and my parents will support you and your dad through these hard times.


	101. Chapter 101

**101. BPOV**

It's two weeks after I went to Edward for comfort. My mom's health is heading downhill fast.

I am nervous, and it makes me fidget and I know it. I also know my mom noticed. I decide to just get it over with and tell her. I promised Edward I'd tell her today.

"Mom, I have something to tell you…" I trail off when my mother looks up. She looks pale and she has dark circles underneath her eyes. She's also tired a lot, and can't do a lot.

"Yes?" She says, raising her eyebrows.

"Well… Edward and I, we're… together."


	102. Chapter 102

**102. BPOV**

"What? You weren't yet?" She asks, sounding surprised. "I thought you've been together for a couple of years now, since you were sleeping with him and all."

I feel myself blush. "You knew about that?"

My mom actually smiles. "Honey, you weren't exactly hiding it very well. You really thought none of us knew?"

I gasp in horror. "Everyone knows?"

She nods. "Your dad and Emmett, and his parents and Alice, we all know. And we all agree that you're perfect for each other. He'll make you very happy honey. It's so obvious he loves you, you're his whole world. Don't let him slip away okay? Don't let a perfect guy like that go."

I feel the tears on my cheeks as I hug her and promise her that I never will.


	103. Chapter 103

**103. EPOV**

We're all wearing black, most of us crying, some of us holding our partners as close as we can. Charlie Swan is standing alone with my parents standing next to him for support.

Renee Swan died two days ago, and today is her funeral. I have my arms around you, but for some reason you're not crying.

We've had seven more months with Renee. Seven months of where we spent a lot of time with her, and where we mostly made peace of her being gone. She left each of us a letter with advice for our further lives.

Mine was about Bella and that I better treat her well or she'll come haunt me. And she told me to never let go of her baby girl.

Holding the love of my life in my arms at her mother's funeral, I know I never will. We've been inseparable ever since we got together when we found out Renee was terminally ill. Although I wish we had gotten together under better circumstances, I'm happy we're together at all. I had given up on that.

I guess life goes the way it goes, and as we pay our final goodbyes to Renee Swan, I realize that I really should live each day as if it's my last.


	104. Chapter 104

**104. EPOV**

It's two days after Renee's funeral. We're at Sunshine's Path, which was Renee's wish for us. She told us to grieve for one day, and then go out and celebrate her life and ours by going to the place where she always had a great time with her family and mine.

We are walking hand in hand, not speaking, just being together.

When we get to our little spot at the lake, we sit down and just enjoy the sun. After a while, you kiss my cheek.

"I love you, Edward." I look up, surprised, and amazed.

"I love you too Bella. It's always been you, only you," I add.

"Really?" You ask.

"Really."


	105. Chapter 105

**For those who noticed, 103 has been fixed.**

* * *

_"Oh God, Edward, harder," you moan in my ear as your hips meet mine. Your nails are digging in my back which gives me more pleasure than I ever thought it would._

_I thrust harder and faster, wanting you to come first before I get there, but I'm really close._

_"Rub your clit for me baby, rub it and make yourself come," I command you. You do as I ask and not long after that you come on my cock._

_As I watch you arch your back, your expression telling me all about the pleasure I'm making you feel, it slips out in the worst way possible._

_"Marry me." It's a groan while I come myself._

_When I'm back on earth, I can't believe I just said that. I have no ring, and no romantic gesture. But when I open my eyes and look at you and see the smile on your face, I can't regret it._

_"Yes, I'll marry you Edward."_

_I grin widely, and seal your promise with a kiss._

* * *

**I will leave it up to you as to what time frame this last one is :-) All I know is that it's in the future!**

And that's all, folks! Hope you enjoyed. I have more in the works but I need to finish it first before I can start posting. It might be a couple of weeks, it all depends on my muse. If you're interested, put me on author alert :-) 


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